Sex - the world's oldest profession...
...and the only one in which women are paid more than men,
which explains why men were so quick to make it illegal.
No. you got to let me go.
I gotta go.
Please stop! No!
What are you doing?
Stop.
Chapter One...
The first day of the term. My favorite day of the year...
Young women with glowing faces, and not-so-innocent smiles.
Ah, yes,
the ladies of Barden College.
These are the kind of women, regardless of what they do at night,
they wake up as virgins in the morning.
Well, some of them do.
Heave, ho
The world we go
Fast, slow
A pain until we flow
You take me home just so you know
You got to quid pro quo
You and me, interchangeably
Make sure
We're the recipes
Because we can both agree
Nothing is for free
I want to know
What makes you go
Oh, oh
'Cause I get satisfaction when you
Oh, I won't go, you won't go
I won't cage me in this cage again and see
Eenie, meenie, miney, moe
Barden College. - Catch this kitty by the toe...
A paradise for men who love women.
If she purrs then you will know...
And then there were the cops.
you, "numb nuts".
This is outrageous. I want to see the Chief now.
Chief's out. He's playing golf.
Then find me the asshole who wrote me this ticket.
I'm the asshole, sir. It's illegal to park in front of City Hall.
Well, it's not illegal for me to park in front of City Hall. I'm the Mayor, for Christ's sake!
You're Detective Kelly? - Yeah.
So you're Sergeant Ferraro, huh?
Call me Beck if it's more convenient.
Eh, Sergeant's fine.
Hey...
you need this? - What's that?
The details of your hearing? - Yeah.
I read it already... pretty unpleasant.
yeah.
Oh, yeah, don't start with that crap.
you may be a Detective, but I'm you're commanding officer.
you work for me.
The Chief was only willing to take the risk on those conditions...
...and if you have a problem with that, you should register a complaint now.
Why would I have a problem?
Well, some guys don't like working for women.
Hey, what's not to like, huh?
I know you fucked on your lastjob.
I know your wife ran off. I know a lot of shit you don't want to talk about.
You're lucky to have this job. I figured...
...you'd be grateful enough to try to fit in.
I hope you won't miss your big city drug busts and gang-land hits.
I'm done with the drug dealers.
I guess killing one would do that to you.
I was cleared of that.
Ah, and you don't want to talk about it.
I'm a very good detective, Sergeant.
That file isn't going to tell you the whole picture, okay?
I do what needs to get done. Okay?
Welcome. Welcome to Fourth Term Shakespeare.
I'm Noah Melville, and you can call me "Sir".
No, I'm kidding. Call me whatever you want.
Right.
"A pound of flesh which I demand of him...
...is dearly bought.
'Tis mine and I will have it."
All right, first context.
What century is William Shakespeare writing in?
Anyone? Oh, you all know this.
Rachel? Care to join us?
yes. Thanks.
Shakespeare's century is actually the Sixteenth and Seventeenth.
you're absolutely right.
William Shakespeare was born in 1564, died in 1616.
You don't have to write that down because it's immaterial.
It's what comes in between that counts!
Let's start from the beginning, shall we?
We're going to read a little bit of "Merchant of Venice".
Act One, Scene One. The merchant Antonio laments...
"I know not why I am so sad.
It wearies me. You say it wearies you...
...but how I caught it, found it, or came by...
...what stuff 'tis made of it, wherever it is born...
...I am to learn."
you see, Sixteenth-century Venice...
...at once liberal and powerful, and yet racist...
...where religious intolerance was abundant. Sound familiar?
Nazi Germany.
Right! Nazi Germany. Very good.
But, could it also be true of our United States?
Kappa Nu Gamma Rush Week?
Especially after a few beers are involved?
That may be true, Thomas. Thank you.
But could we please settle down everyone?
We've got very distinguished visitors here this morning.
Okay, where were we? Evelyn...
...why do you think Shakespeare is warning us of the dangers...
of a blind adherence to dogma?
Ignorance is the cause of intolerance.
Slap me silly and call me Brenda.
Evelyn, you're absolutely right.
Well done.
Well that I think is a very good lesson for us to take home this morning.
This week we'll be reading Macbeth, so sign up early for your tutorials.
And remember, my door is always open.
Thank you.
Nice answer.
Thank you, yes, yes...
Happy new term, Dean Jean.
Thank you.
And what's the good word from the faculty?
Well, try coming to our weekly dinners...
...or do your students keep you too busy?
I find it's the individual attention that yields the high performance.
Dedication does pay off.
yeah, not always. But then, that's ancient history.
Jean, come on.
We have work to do.
Are you...
Are you waiting for me, Miss, uh... - Dionesia Costa.
What? - Dionesia Costa.
Dionesia...whoa! I wonder what your parents were smoking.
I chose it for myself. It's the feminine form of "Dionysus".
I wanted to wait to speak with you because I would...
...really like for you to be my thesis advisor.
Well, forgive me for saying, but...
...you haven't been taking my courses, have you? I think I would remember.
I'm an upper class transfer.
Well, my academic standards are rather stringent.
As are mine. I hear that you're an expert in my subject.
Which is?
Romance Languages.
Near to my heart. All right.
Oh, why don't you stop by my office?
Perfect.
Dionesia Costa.
Who'd have thought that on our first day...
...I'd meet someone with such a tremendous potential to be a scholar?
Well, amongst other things.
What's Barden especially, besides good-looking young girls?
Steep tuition...among the steepest.
Rich get richer, huh?
"Beauty and the Beast" character, seven...
I'm practicing for filling in parking tickets.
Ah, a comedian.
Copy Sergeant. We've got a "D.B.R., Field Road Nell.
I guess you brought the city with you.
Never sleeps.
Jesus. She doesn't have a face, Sarge?
you think she was raped?
you don't wear shoes like that to church on Sunday.
All right.
Evelyn, stop by my office if you get a chance.
Hi! Hey.
you know, I'd like to talk to you about a scholarship opportunity.
Maybe later. I've really got to get to track practice now.
I'd be very happy to sponsor you.
you can come watch if you want.
The student athlete...
strong muscles, supple tone.
Tight, tight... yes, well...
...the word is tight.
She's got the hunger for love
And she can never ever get enough
With the long legs, high heels...
All right, ladies, let's shake up those meets!
Ah, they look like a good bunch this year. - Yeah, there's some talent here.
So, if you had to pick two, which would they be?
Evelyn and Rachel.
Melville... - Cameron.
Have you forgot? Our game?
Please, forgive me, forgive me.
I was just watching the girls doing their drills.
We've got a very talented new girl on the team, Evelyn.
You know Rachel. - I know.
The other three are not that bad.
How are you doing? Nice to meet you.
Cameron Morris. - Heidi.
Thank you so much. - you're so welcome.
I do apologize. - Yeah.
We can do it with the lights out
Tell me now, tell me now
Well, that kicked my butt. - Me, too.
Oh, I think Tom's watching us.
He's not going to get what he likes from us.
He likes what?
A blowjob, Ev'!
So tell us, Ev', have you gotten it on with a guy?
I... - What about with a girl?
I'm not gay, if that's what you think. - Well, you went to a convent school.
This is going to be a lot of work.
you know what? Tom's sweet on Ev', and I'm sure he'll teach you.
Right! He's in a frat.
Don't worry, you'll have plenty of practice.
Cameron, you and your family, they've been so good to our college.
I hope your contributions to our scholarship fund will continue.
I've got more money than I know what to do with...
...and I'll be happy to spend it on things that give me pleasure.
Boom!
I imagine seeing a new crop of girls is... energizing.
And Evelyn... ah.
Evelyn has potential.
You've got a discerning eye, Cameron.
yeah.
Oh, by the way, did you hear?
Barden's Board of Directors elected me Chairman this year.
Congratulations! Very deserved, if I may say.
So...
...how goes the progress on your memoirs?
Slow and sure, a bit like my golf game.
But don't worry, I still find plenty of time to fulfill my duties at the faculty.
Well, if there's anything you need, you will let me know.
Anything.
I would like to bring you into the computer age. How about it?
Huh? For your writing.
No, I'm fine, thanks.
Wow! - Four!
Whoa.
I like to write the old fashioned way, with pen and paper.
But thank you. I appreciate the offer.
Here you go.
Oh, thank you.
That was awesome.
That's the new driver my wife bought me for my birthday.
We need you in our club.
you could really help some of our members.
you know, for tournaments...
you know...
All right.
your friends have helped many deserving girls stay at school with their scholarships.
They don't care what they're called as long as the girls are young and hot.
You should have a taste. - Well, I love my wife.
It's as simple as that.
Ah! My goddess.
Daddy, I'm a fairy princess.
Oh, your Royal Highness, of course you are.
you going to blow bubbles for your father?
Oh, that's good. Up in the air, watch.
Dip it in.
Oops...
Wow! That's pretty great.
How'd it go, Tiger?
The victor returns.
I beat poor old Cameron yet again. I've still got the game.
Honey, you have to let him win sometimes. He does so much for the faculty.
You know?
you're absolutely right.
Next time, I'll let him win.
Good boy.
Don't forget, you've got a tutorial tonight.
Darling, I hope you don't mind all this student nonsense.
The beginning of the semester is such a challenge for me.
Oh, you are too devoted. But I am proud.
I made you cookies. Your favorite.
Oh, great! Thank you. The students will enjoy those.
I was thinking I'd like to cook a special dinner for your students.
They make such lovely role models for Juliet.
She's rather hang with my students than kids of her own age.
She is your daughter.
Well, then let's invite some of the girls to her birthday party.
Okay, thanks. - Oh no, no, no...
Look at this.
Late twenties...
Hair's natural...
Irrelevant details?
Maybe we should go down to the college and ask some questions,
but the Chief requested we put muzzles on until we got a positive "ID" on the "DNA."
No point in getting students on edge.
Here's your best bet.
Brains blown out by shotgun. How many people carry one of those in this town?
Out here? Hunters, farmers...
We got anything on the periphery research?
Nothing.
Patrol finds no prints, no leads, nothing.
Meth and alcohol in the blood... figures...
Truffles in the stomach contents. What?
yeah, well...
Murderer must have been an epicure. - An epicure.
Truffles are way to expensive for a college kid, even on Daddy's dime.
Hi John. What's up?
Are you free?
I've got a few minutes. Ah, sit down.
So how's the semester going?
It's going well, thank you. I'm just starting to get busy.
What's... What's on your mind?
Oh, teaching. Teaching's on my mind.
I've got this feeling that my students aren't paying that much attention to me.
And I've noticed that you seem to have them...
...eating out of your hands.
If you don't mind me asking you, what's your secret?
I pay them.
That's a joke, right? - Cookie?
you pay them.
John, could I...
Could I ask you a personal question? - Sure.
When was the last time you got laid?
Noah, I'm talking about teaching.
Besides, how am I supposed to remember something like that?
Well, if you can't remember it, I'm afraid it's been too long.
you can't remember?
Look....
I've got a book I want you to read.
yeah, there you go.
Now this is better than Kinzie. Try that on for size.
The Orgon. What on earth is the "Orgon"?
It's the energy of orgasm.
It was discovered in the 1930's by an Austrian Doctor called Wilhelm Reich.
It's very interesting.
He identified the basic life energy.
Now lack of this discharge...
...leads to physical and mental breakdown.
So if you want your students to pay attention...
Reich.
No brainer. Please, take it. I have other copies.
I don't know. Dean Clark will have my head for it, but I'll certainly try to fit it in.
Oh, don't worry about Dean Jean.
She can't help but act like Mother Superior...
...which, little known fact, she very nearly once was.
We've got a really good track team this year.
Oh, absolutely, especially that brown-haired filly.
Have you seen her? Gorgeous.
Sorry, I just realized I'm late for chorus practice.
Thanks, Noah.
Well, say a prayer for me, will you? - I'll try.
Brown-haired filly, huh?
Best to ride that thoroughbred before she's locked up in a stable.
You know? I do want to get married someday. That's all.
I know, you don't get it, I know. - you don't ever want to get married?
Why? - Who are you talking to?
You're talking to Rachel. Of course I don't ever want to get married.
In 15 years?
If I were to get married, it would be more like a business transaction.
It would be... - Oh, that's romantic.
An arrangement. What do I care if I have sex with one person, or 15 people...
Why?
As long as there's something that's benefitting me, then I will consider it.
If I get invited to your wedding, it will probably be, like, a prince, or...
Yeah that would be fun.
I'm terribly disappointed.
Our girls are sinking lower every year.
Jeannie, look...they're just having fun.
They're just expressing themselves.
I seem to remember you doing that. What happened?
Oh, I think you know what happened.
I've apologized. What more can I do?
Quit apologizing, because I'm never going to forgive you.
Poor Jean. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Perhaps I should have taken her more seriously.
No, no, no.
Hey! Wha? Ooh...Ah!
Thank you for my little gift.
It's your homework. You give way more than any other professor.
Well, I hope so. I want my smart students to be smarter.
What the hell are they doing out there?
Fraternity initiation... deflowering of the fittest and all thatjazz.
Vestal Virgins exempt, of course. - Of course.
you know, I don't know what you see in those lads, and that boyfriend of yours...
...he can't complete a compound sentence.
Please, let's not talk about him.
Oh, I got a gift from the new one.
Let's see. Ooh...oh.
It's quite a cheap one, I'm afraid.
Tell me...
...was he naughty? - Oh!
Well, I'd like a bonus.
All right, well, I was thinking about giving you an "A".
That's all? - Yeah, that...why not?
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Oh, did you see the present I got from Dean Jean?
That's Dean Jean's? - No, no, no, she...
She threw it at me. It's just amazing. - I don't know.
So I put it there, over the head of Shakespeare.
It's very handsome on Shakespeare. - Isn't it?
It makes a good hat.
And some more men, Tom?
More men? This is plenty of men.
You see, you're concerned with numbers. I am concerned with power.
Peter and I are enough men to handle every single one of you...
...because we are hung like donkeys. - Like donkeys?
Evelyn and I have nowhere to take our sexual energy.
This party is a total suck fest.
I know where you can take your sexual energy. - Stop fighting. We love it!
Hey. How are you?
Let's go swimming. Come on.
Beautiful idea, right?
I don't want to. I can't swim.
Come on. - Thanks.
I can't.
Okay, everyone! To the pool!
Here we go!
I'm just want to go home.
You can't swim like that. you need a birthday, so put your birthday suit on.
I just...
You have to put on your birthday suit. Birthday suit...Happy Birthday.
What are you doing? - I'm getting you ready to swim.
I don't want to. - yes, you do.
I'll teach you.
Campus Security picked up a bunch of drunk kids...
...skinny-dipping last night. One of them almost drowned.
Yeah, well, rich kids can't handle their drinks.
Dean Clark called, asked us to send an officer over...
...to preach to the students about alcohol abuse.
I immediately thought of you, Kelly. - Why me?
Call it a woman's intuition.
You're on at five-thirty. - Wait, wait, wait.
Don't we have a murder case to solve here, Sarge?
Listen, I'm not the guy to be telling people how to get their lives together.
And I don't even like fucking kids.
Well, you've got until five-thirty to become that guy.
Yeah, I remember, I tried to drink myself...
...into an early grave at your age too.
My education, I flushed it down the toilet.
Flushed it down the toilet, you know? So, I became a cop.
Now that's not my first choice, but it means I get to see a lot of you kids...
...making bad choices, getting yourself into bad situations...
...that you can't get out of. Because college is like this sewer...
...where you kids are drowning in bad drink...
...in cheap liquor, bad drugs and...
...drunken one night stands. - What's wrong with that?
Well, then you wake up...
...and you're nowhere.
You've got to focus if you want something out of this life.
Because it's tough out there. It's...
...tough.
And you get one chance to do something with your life, one chance...
...and that's it. To make a difference in this world, guys...
...seize the day!
All right, get out of here. Go on.
Rachel, it's time for your tutorial, so I'll be right out.
Thanks.
Yes, so very illuminating, Detective.
I don't know. - Noah Melville. I teach the Classics.
Or at least I try to.
There's one... I was wondering.
What was your first choice in college...
...before all the drunkenness and all the rest of it...
What was it?
I wanted to write crossword puzzles.
Oh, crossword puzzles, really?
yeah. - I like that.
As much as I love words, I don't think...
I don't think I've got the patience of puzzles.
Amazing. I've got to run along, but don't be a stranger. My door is always open.
See ya.
Asshole.
When I hear your talk-speak...
my eyes roll back, my knees get weak...
Let me play the fool. With mirth and laughter, let old wrinkles come.
I know that line. - you do?
I do!
I want you to really study that, and write me a paper on it.
Okay, I can do that. - All right.
When's your next race? - Saturday.
Oh, great. Cameron!
Hello, Noah. How are you? - Good, thanks. Nice to see you.
Hello, track star.
I hope I'm not too late.
Oh, you're right on time.
It looks like our Rachel here is ready to break Barden's record...
...at the four-hundred meters hurdles.
Well, let's drink to that, shall we?
Here we are. - Thank you.
There we are. - Ah.
Well, uh, here's to Rachel. - Yes.
Not only a fine athlete, but one of our brightest Shakespearean scholars.
To Rachel...her brains... Her beauty.
Cameron, I know you agree that Rachel is very deserving of her scholarship.
Of course you'll want to review her progress.
Well, if you're available, we can start right now.
Only if Professor Melville excuses me from my homework. He's very tough.
Ah. Mmm.
Well, why don't we consider the review your homework?
Touch my, touch my heart...
Seeing that beaming smile on a client's face...
...is the reward of a successful matchmaker.
And living by my rules ensured our success.
One...no one talks about the club.
Two...you graduate and you're out.
These were Barden girls, headed places.
Their education was as important to me as their performance in the field...
...and like any student athlete, only had four years of eligibility.
Three...I pick the clients and made the arrangements.
After all, the unenlightened frowned on freedom of choice.
I knew the waters, and could guide them.
Secrecy was our watchword.
The slightest misstep could lead to our downfall.
Our Jane Doe's DNA doesn't match anyone in the database.
What about the semen? - Nada.
Dean Clark called. All the Barden girls are accounted for. She's not a student.
But it could be a member of the faculty. Somebody with...
...a little money, power, prestige, like that pompous ass and his harem. Eh?
If you mean Noah Melville? - Yeah, that guy.
Well, I'm told he's the most popular teacher on campus.
yeah, with young girls like our victim. Come on, let's get his DNA. Come on.
Well, I wouldn't trust him with my daughter, but he's not a killer.
All right.
You can'tjust bring him down here and collect a sample for no reason.
All right. Fuck it.
Why don't you take his class? - Oh, Jesus Christ. No.
Why?
Listen, the guy's into good-looking young girls, okay?
Yeah, no. I'm not a girl. - you're hot, Sarge.
I'm not hot.
you're hot. yes you are.
Hey, hey Sarge! I wore this tie for you.
It takes more than that, Kelly.
"Deny thy father and refuse thy name."
you are that particular kind of girl that men my age...
...call young and frequently accuse of innocence. Who are you?
Juliet, as in "Romeo and Juliet."
Right. I'm not so innocent.
All right, uh, let's change up the text.
"Frailty, thy name is woman."
You are?
I'm not exactly sure who I am.
Well, you are Gertrude, Hamlet's mother.
Hamlet chastises her in that scene for immorality.
Perhaps you forgot that today's assignment was reading Hamlet.
What's your name? - Rebecca Farraro.
Do you think that Hamlet is a chauvinist pig?
Actually, I haven't read Hamlet yet, but...
...if he said that, then he must have been one.
Well, that's a good answer.
All right everyone, I think we'll wrap it up there.
I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night. Thank you.
Miss Farraro, could I have a word?
Would you care for a cup of tea? - No thank you.
you're not really a student, are you? Is that true?
True. I'm a police officer.
Well, that's a crime.
you're far too beautiful to be wasted on criminals.
What are you doing in our little college?
We're investigating a body that was found around this area.
Really? A woman, a young woman?
Here, have a cookie.
Uh, yes. How do you know? Thanks.
Well, the Chief sent a police woman to our college? Pretty obvious it's female.
you know, I'll give you a piece of advice. you should talk to our dean, Jean Clark.
She's is the watchdog for all the girls here.
You know, we get lots of drop outs through the term.
Actually Dean Clark said that you're the expert on co-eds around here.
Really? I'm very surprised.
I mean, I don't think she's ever, ever said anything positive about me.
May I have a napkin? - yes, take this one.
Thank you.
Why don't you take these cookies back to your colleagues with my compliments?
My wife bakes them for the students, and I just end up eating them and...poof!
Thanks. Um, and if you think of anything that might help me...
...please give me a call. - Okay, I will.
The only thing that I can think of is that you really ought to read Hamlet.
I'll think about it. - It's a great pleasure.
Pleasure. - Thank you.
Who was this dead girl, I wondered.
The truth is I didn't really want to know the answer.
My tenure at Barden had been filled with pleasure...a thirty year summer of love.
It never occurred to me that sex could be any other way.
How can it be that good if you don't really love the person you're doing it with?
Trust me, it can be good, even if you don't love the person.
Oh, do you remember that one guy, Shawn?
Who? - Oh, big dick boy?
What? - Big is not even the right word.
It's humongous. - Yeah, its...honestly, it's too big.
Wait, how big? How big? - Too big.
It's...it's so big.
Well, it's more girth than length. We'll put it that way.
I can't even remember the length because of the girth. It was like, I wanted to run.
It was so huge. - She didn't experience...
Stop! - She didn't experience The Tank!
I don't know...that's the new name. I tell you, there's such a thing as too large.
Hi, how are you?
Listen, I think I've got good news.
I can take you on. And you're right, your academic record was fantastic.
Ooh, dream come true.
But I might not be able to stay at Barden.
I can't afford the tuition, even with my grants.
Oh, dear. That's disappointing.
you know, you could always apply for a loan, of course.
No, I like the security of having earned my life of the mind, Professor Melville.
Of course, I understand. If you like working for it...
...you may be eligible for a special scholarship.
Rachel told me you helped her. - Rachel did?
Well, do you know what Rachel does?
Something like hostess at events.
It's more like, um, going out on dates.
Just going out on dates.
Well, in the broadest sense of the word.
Sort of like, maybe helping people in healthy, natural ways.
Well, as Lord Byron said, "Pleasure's a sin, and sometimes sin's a pleasure."
Would you be okay if an appreciative date...
...made an uncomfortable request?
Just how appreciative are we talking about?
Well, we're talking like something comparable to a full scholarship...
...room, board, books, I mean the whole nine yards.
When I was sixteen, I used to blow a guy to get a ride to school. It's cool.
Wow. Well, lucky guy.
Well, great. Well, then, I think we'll have an opportunity very soon.
Great. Rachel said she's doesn't even feel like she's working.
That's just our Rachel.
Hi Mrs Carlson, thank you for coming. I'm Sergeant Farraro. - Hi.
I'm Patrick Kelly. - It's nice to meet you.
Did you bring a photo? - Yeah.
We think that we may have found your daughter.
Can I get you something to drink?
Maybe you can tell me, what kind ofjob did she do?
She had no job. She'd been looking for a long time all over.
But she told me a man named Ken might have a something for her. - Okay.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is too hard. - I understand.
Can I...
Can I see her please? I don't...
If you'll come this way, please. Here's your photo.
I found this in her room.
It doesn't belong to her.
Oh, God. My baby.
Hi, are you...are you John?
Yes, but, it's after hours. What can I do for you?
My name is Dee. I heard that you wanted to see me.
About? I'm sorry, what class?
You like dark-haired girls like me? - Would you like to sit down?
I would like to sit down.
I meant in my lap. That is what you're here for, isn't it?
How about we talk first... something to break the ice.
Tell me what you like.
Okay.
Relax.
You relax. You do as you're told.
My teacher's going to really have to punish you.
What are you doing? Ooh, just get off!
Just going out on dates. - In the broadest sense of the word.
Maybe helping people in healthy, natural ways.
What? Dionesia? What happened to you?
you didn't tell me he was such a freak.
What? Did he do something to you? Why didn't you call me?
Please, please, sit down, sit down. Calm down.
I can't take his class. - Sorry, have a sip of water.
It's all right. Just calm down, calm down. Calm down.
Do you have any idea what I just did?
No, it's all right.
I'm going to take a shower. - No, please! Dionesia, wait, please!
You just did a good deed for a very sad man!
Dionesia, wait! - Just leave me alone!
Please calm down. - What?
Look, it was a mistake ofjudgment. Please, it won't happen again. I promise.
Dionesia, come to our party. It will do you good. How about it?
I don't know. Let me think about it.
I just think he's gone over the line.
I understand how you feel. But Barden's good reputation is our priority. Jean...
We have never had a scandal.
We never will. - But you will handle this.
yes, but your discretion, that's the key.
As long as I'm dean, it goes no further.
Just rest assured, I will handle Noah Melville.
Good.
It feels good to win...for a change.
Congratulations. you played brilliantly today. Very good.
Here, that's what I owe you.
I don't know how you've managed to do it, you know, for so long.
What? Make people happy?
It's a win-win situation, right?
Not anymore, no. We have a big problem.
But, I can make it disappear... if you resign.
Come on.
Le's have another nine holes.
Game's over, Noah.
I want it all, notjust a part of it.
I'm going to make it...
Hey Noah, are you coming?
Quiet, please everyone. Thank you. Thank you very much.
I have an announcement. I'm sorry to interrupt the party.
I wanted you to hear this from me first. I'm leaving the university.
Where are you going, Daddy?
He's not going anywhere. Tell them that you're kidding.
No, actually, it's true. I'm officially retiring.
He's officially retiring. - But you're too young.
And what about my scholarship? - Please calm down, everyone.
Nothing's going to change, I'll just have a little more time for my writing, that's all.
I didn't expect a scholarship, but you said, you'd help me on my thesis.
Please, no worries. Now, come on. Enough of this nonsense, please!
We're here to celebrate Juliet's big day. Come on, Mom, where's the...
Look at this, look at this. What do you think? It's your favorite.
All right. Come on, all the drinks. Please, a toast everyone...to Juliet.
Happy Birthday, Juliet.
Cheers. - Cheers, everyone.
All right, baby. Make a wish.
yeah!
What happened at Barden is proof that even in the twenty-first century...
...so-called educators are still stuck in the Dark Ages.
How dare you drop that bomb on me in front of our daughter? Dean Clark called.
What's the matter? - Admit it, you are fucking your students.
I have never taken liberties with a student, ever.
But I must say, when you first walked into my office, I was sorely tempted...
...and I have loved you dearly from the first moment I set eyes on you.
Then why didn't you tell me the truth?
Dean Jean...she's been out to get me for a very long time.
I mean, what choice did I have?
Was I to retire or face public scandal and humiliation?
I mean, thank God for Cameron, because he saved my pension.
That doesn't matter now. This isn't going away, Noah.
Let's not overreact here, all right? - Be serious!
Please. No.
You know, I think you're right.
There's an ominous police presence about this place. It's scary.
But I've got a plan. We'll go on a family trip, huh?
We'll go to Mexico. What do you say?
I don't know.
It's all bullshit. Please.
They're full of crap. - Noah.
I don't know what to do. - I love you. Come on.
I was left to wonder if our life together could ever be repaired.
But time passes.
By spring term, the scholarship girls were back to having sex with the college boys.
But for free.
Prom night...we did actually have sex.
I knew it! I knew it. I knew it. - Evelyn had sex!
The results weren't any better than when the scholarships were paid.
All I wanted was to rebuild my life with Daniella and Juliet.
You're amazing...
Yeah, well, another dead end. - Huh?
I don't need this anymore.
Melville's DNA has been eliminated.
Yeah, well, I don't trust that guy.
I do. His wife bakes him cookies. - Oh come on.
You know, you've got to look beneath the surface of things to get to the truth, Sarge.
Like with me, you know?
Hey, that isn't food! Don't eat that shit. Here, come on.
Kelly, you're on duty.
I'm eating.
Don't make me sorry I took you on, okay?
This...here's your problem.
you're mean, like an old mule. - Just pick up the damned phone!
All right. May I wipe my mouth first?
I don't care what you do...choke.
yeah, Kelly. Domestic violence.
Hang on. You ever heard of a guy named Cameron Morris?
I know Morris and his trophy wife. Big time philanthropist. His wife plays around.
I don't blame her. She married an asshole.
Neighbors love to complain about their rowdy fights.
Well, they're complaining right now. Okay, hang on. We're on our way.
Well, five minutes. Let me just...
We'll be there. Come on!
Kelly, wait. Announce yourself.
Barden Police! Mister Morris, are you home?
We were called because there were shots fired earlier.
Mister Morris, put down the weapon! - Put it down!
Sir! Put it down!
I'm betting that matches the ballistics report back at the station.
Could be our evidence.
Ho, look at all these guns.
I'm a hunter, schmuck.
I'm going to look around.
Hey, fucker! What about my rights? Rights?
Just stay still and don't do anything scary.
You know who I like to scare, little girl?
Who else have you scared lately?
Oh, there was one.
Oh, she came by, she was so high.
It was her and this...it was a mistake. Her mistake, not mine.
It was the most devastating thing that ever happened to me.
Hey, she deserved it.
Who deserved it?
Hey, Kelly! - yeah?
I think Mister Morris just confessed to killing Marina Carlson...
...except he's too drunk to realize it.
Well, let's get him down to the station fast, huh?
Come on, buddy. Up you get. Hey, get the fuck up.
Kelly, relax. - Pal.
Go ahead. - you don't point guns at cops, huh?
Wakey, wakey.
So, what happened, Mister Morris?
I want to understand why a guy with so much money would hire a cheap hooker.
All right. I was lonely.
So you dialed a fuck, huh?
I just wanted some company, you know...
...because my wife deserted me.
That makes sense...so you hire a hooker to take the place of your wife.
Beat her, shoot her... who's going to care about a hooker?
No, it wasn't...it wasn't like that.
Oh, honey... - I'm not honey.
I'm the woman who's going to kick your ass in court.
I guess you didn't figure we'd care, huh?
What was her name?
I don't remember.
She was just another wild pussy.
Eh? Female race...gone ballistic.
Her name was Marina Carlson. What happened?
The slut...
...wanted to play with my guns.
You know what she called my shot gun? A cock.
She put it in her mouth.
I told her, put it down.
It happened. Bang.
What the fuck were you doing to her?
I was trying to get her to stop.
By pulling the trigger? Do you honestly think a jury is going to believe that?
A hooker voluntarily puts a gun in her mouth, acts like it's a cock...
...pulls the trigger and shoots herself. It's First Degree Murder.
I want my lawyer now.
She had bruises all over her neck. Did you rape her?
Why would I rape her?
She was a hooker.
You know? She had a price for anything that I wanted.
Oh, man, this babe was pure...psycho.
No, she wanted it.
You're the psycho. How many women have you done this to? Tell me!
All right! Enough! - Get off me.
All right. All right. Take it easy. Take it easy. Get some coffee.
You get coffee, Kelly. I want to finish this.
you know? My lawyer... - you go get the coffee!
...is going to hear about this abuse.
Acting like this is my first murder case.
Oh, why do I like it rough?
Fuck!
Oh, Fuck!
I was flying!
Beautiful. I mean, none of it is admissible in court, all right?
No. Bullshit! We nailed him. - But it was beautiful.
That look in your eyes... - We got the gun. That's probably cause.
When you cornered him... - We go back in there and get a conviction.
Interview him. Come on Farraro...
Sergeant. Mister Morris' attorney has arrived, so the interrogation is over.
Might as well take the rest of the day off. Detective?
yeah? Sir?
Suck my cock.
Hey, Mitch. How you doing?
Come on, Farraro, get a bedroom.
I'm fine. I was just resting.
We're back to zero.
Well, a lot of criminals walk. That's why lawyers get paid more than cops.
Doesn't it bother you that Cameron walks?
Let it go.
Jesus.
You know? It is amazing what they will print next to the crossword puzzle these days.
"Ken"? if we can't get Cameron, let's get his pimp!
Let's get to work.
Coffee...coffee.
Do me a favor, Geter, can you bring over that recorder?
All right. Pray.
I'm a lapsed Catholic. Nobody's listening.
Hit it straight down the middle.
Daddy! Daddy!
Uh, yeah. Hello?
Hey, Ken. This is Marnie. I'm trying to reach you.
What to you want? - A job. I've done this kind of work before.
What kind ofjob are we talking about?
Masseuse work. I'm in the sisterhood.
Daddy! Daddy! Get the ball!
Uh, well, I don't know. Uh...
Ken, I really need this job.
you know...
Sorry. You got the wrong number.
Did we get it all? - Yeah. Every non-incriminating word.
I just can't understand how he can be so accessible on the phone.
Because he's a moron.
I swear I heard a kid talk. That's when he hung up.
He's a moron with a kid.
I need a real drink. Sarge, you want to get a drink?
No, I'm good.
Daddy, Daddy! Get the ball!!
Uh, well, I don't...
...warmer in the middle of the night because it's fucking godless out there.
We ran a trace on the number. Guess whose house the number's assigned to?
Peter Fucking Paul and...
No, smart ass! Noah Melville.
He knows Mister Morris and that's my connection to Marina Carlson.
I fucking knew it. - I say he's our pimp.
I told you this fucking weeks ago.
Thanks, darling. Thanks again for staying. I don't deserve this.
All right, three guesses...
It's definitely a cab, but... - All right.
Of course it's not French, not Californian.
All right. Don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me.
All right, three guesses.
Well, it's a cab. - Right.
South African? - Honey, you're so good!
Thank you! Great. I thought so. - I can't believe you. That's so crazy!
Who, um, who's this?
Oh, hi Detective. What's up?
Anything wrong? - No, no, nothing.
I'll be right back.
Yes, Detective Kelly. What can I do for you?
I want you to turn yourself in.
What? Oh, come on, that's preposterous.
You should have thought about that before you gave out your phone number, Ken.
Do you know what turning college girls into hookers gets you?
A big fat pandering conviction. Do you want that, Ken?
I've heard enough of this to dismiss you. - You wait for me...
Hey! Let go of my arm.
And you'll do five or six years, pal.
A guy like you - smart sophisticated, wine-drinking pussy piece of shit.
You won't last five minutes bent over in a fucking shower, pal.
Are you out of your mind?
Cameron Morris, he's your client, right?
I know that you sent him the dead girl, Marina fucking Carlson, pal.
You remember her, huh?
Like a Christian to the fucking lions.
This isn't ancient Greece, not anymore.
Rome had Christians, Greece had gays. Get your metaphors straight.
You have the right... - Get off my arm!
...to remain silent. Anything you say can an will...
I want to talk to my wife! I want to tell her where I'm going.
Can you believe this shit? Guy's out on the street, and he's laughing.
I know.
Yup. One night in jail...
...now he's sleeping in his nice satin sheets.
With his pretty little wife...asshole.
I need to talk to you about something. - What? What happened?
What happened yesterday... you were way out of line.
yesterday...what happened yesterday?
You were drinking on the job. - Come on, man. I was...
I was not. - Yes, you were.
I don't know what's going on with you, but this can't possibly be about Melville.
One drink, come on, Sarge. You know?
I took a risk on you. - All right. Okay. I understand.
Yeah, do you? I took a risk. - Yeah.
Sorry.
Hey, you know what?
Jesus. I'm done.
I know where to find it. Just kidding.
The news of my condemnation spread like wildfire.
I couldn't believe it when I heard Professor Melville had been arrested.
Everyone in town is talking about what a bad guy he is.
It's pretty ridiculous, but people are people and theyjudge.
On the advice of my attorney I accepted a plea bargain...
...in order to get this tawdry mess behind me.
I could not imagine that my troubles were just beginning.
Yeah? - Noah.
Hello? Who is this?
It's Cameron. I've got some... It's bad news, Noah.
Jesus, Cameron, it's four o'clock in the morning, for God's sake.
Have you been drinking? - Yes, a bit.
Listen, Noah, I just heard from some friends at the courthouse.
The judge is going to make an example out of you.
Oh, God, man. Don't say it.
It's an election year, and he's going to send you away for a very, very long time.
I'm sorry, Noah. I tried, but there's nothing I can do.
All right. Thank you.
Oh, God.
Professor Melville. Do you remember me? I was in your Shakespeare class.
Oh, yes. Stewart, I believe. - Yeah.
I remember you. I remember you as not being the brightest of my students.
I'm working on it. Tell me, what were you doing with my girlfriend Rachel?
Rachel? - yeah, Rachel.
Get off my property. - Listen. Answer the question!
I know what you did! you used her.
you cretinous little shit! - I know what you did!
Oh dear.
How dare you! Who the hell are you?
A guy your husband messed with. - I'm calling the police!
It's all right. - Who was that?
Forget about it! It's all right.
I'm sorry, I should have seen this coming.
What?
Look, I'm not going to jail.
What are you saying?
Noah, you should wait until the sentencing. They might be lenient.
No, no! I'm leaving.
Please, just don't try and talk me out of it.
I'm not having my daughter see me behind bars.
My only crime was the pain that I caused you and Juliet.
Please forgive me.
And then I ran.
I admit I was too much of a coward to face the consequences.
I was still clinging to the tenants that love conquers all.
Hi, darling. Were you asleep?
Noah, this is too dangerous. Just tell me you're okay and hang up.
Please, I just need to hear your voice again.
I want to hold you.
Don't do this to me. You know that this is hard on me.
Listen, get a new phone. I'm hearing noises on the line.
Unbelievable.
I'm coming.
Hello, Mrs Melville. - Yes.
Fugitive Task Force. May I come in?
Can you come back later, Detective Kelly? I'm getting my daughter ready for school.
You see, I have new evidence relevant to your husband's whereabouts.
I don't know any more than you about where my husband is. What is the point of this?
Sources indicate that you maintain contact with a fugitive from the law.
And that is a crime.
What sources? - Anonymous sources.
you can't come in until I call my lawyer.
You don't need to make this more difficult for yourself, now.
Bastard! There is nothing of Noah's here.
Kelly, you can't possibly...
You can'tjust...that's not yours.
You can't take that.
This is insane. What do you think you're going to find?
What are you looking for? Talk to me!
Looking for evidence.
What kind of evidence? - A little black book, maybe.
There's no black book.
A computer disk. - My husband doesn't use a computer!
Detective Kelly, I will call your captain. I will have your badge.
I want to know where the evidence is. - There is no evidence.
Daniella. I know you know. - There is no evidence.
Baby! Baby, stay in your room. - Tell me.
You go back to your room. That is enough!
Baby... you should be ashamed of yourself.
I'm just looking for the evidence. - If you want to go after Noah...
Go after Noah. - Hey!
Don't mess with his family. - I'm not the Big Bad Wolf around here.
Really?
All right. - Get out!
Hey, baby. You okay?
The illiterate slob was right. In a town as corrupt as Barden...
...there were always bigger and badder wolves.
We need you in our club. - Did I not say trust me?
Sergeant Farraro, how's my favorite woman in uniform?
Actually I'm your only woman in uniform.
Very powerful girl here, Cam. She's as tough as our best men.
I'll bet. Golf game, eleven? - Yeah.
Two strokes this time, right? - I'll see you there.
Well, that's something to be proud of.
This is just off the record.
Well, actually it's for the record.
No hard feelings.
You know, I'm free tonight.
May I take you out for a drink, maybe dinner?
You know? I could use some more coffee.
Fugitive Task Force? - News travels fast, huh?
We don't have a Fugitive Task Force. Melville's wife threatened a lawsuit...
...and the Chief doesn't want us wasting time on that case.
Yeah? - Now I'm in big trouble.
Ooh!
He's planning to offer Melville a deal.
He's negotiating? With that fucking cocksucker?
That's right. He gets Melville's list, Melville goes free.
He's a free man. - Jesus Christ, who's on that list?
The Chief's fucking golfing buddies? Huh?
That killer walks free?
And you're scared about yourjob. - Right again.
That's right. She was fed truffles...
...with a white wine chaser, and then she was fucked to death.
He's out there somewhere...Melville. And I'm going to find him.
Fuck you, Kelly. Melville could be anywhere.
He's guilty. He's so guilty.
We're all fucking guilty around here, aren't we?
Wait a minute. Here, did the Chief give you his thirty pieces of silver?
That ought to cover it.
What, now you're an avenging angel?
Why can't you just be a normal cop?
Either you're a normal cop or you're on the take, Beck.
It's a choice you have to make, all right?
Or your life isn't worth a shit.
Beck...
Please...
The Chief told me to put you on unpaid leave.
I quit.
Motherfucker... - Stop that.
Stop, Patrick.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me.
I was once was lost,
but now I'm found,
was blind but now I see.
When in disgrace with fortune in men's eyes...
...I alone beweep my outcast state...
...and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries...
...and look upon myself and curse my fate.
Lovely Daniella...
...for thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings...
...and then I scorned to change my state with kings.
Writing the account of what had transpired had consumed me...
...and then the inevitable day came.
Boo.
How did you find me? - I found the phone.
Well, it was worth itjust to hear Daniella's voice again.
Marina Carlson's mother will never hear her daughter's voice again.
A tragedy of Shakespearean proportions.
So, how much time do I have?
It's running out.
Would you mind if I called my wife at least?
You don't have a problem unless you fuck with me.
Oh, but I like fucking. I mean, you know that I endorse it in all its forms.
you're fucking with me now.
Have you ever considered that sex is the only business...
...in which women are actually paid more than men.
Look, I just tried to help my students.
Think of the idiots they would have bedded if I hadn't introduced them...
...to men of a certain level of je ne sais qua.
Drugs, truffles, a shotgun...
Real je ne sais qua.
All right. I'm sorry, I admit my mistake.
She was the only woman I helped out of pity.
I was just very naive about the drugs.
She has a name...Marina Carlson.
I bet you fucked her too, didn't you?
Patrick, don't be a Vulgarian. I only met her once. I took her to dinner.
We had truffles, and as I remember, very pleasant wine.
You fed her the truffles?
Yeah. Well, I...I think she deserved to be treated well.
I mean, she hadn't been in her life, you know? What's wrong with that?
Your time just ran out. Stand up.
Be careful.
Why all this trouble to find me? Don't you have anything better to do? What are you?
I'm an honest cop, unlike my partner, Sergeant Farraro.
Rebecca Farraro? I know her. - Yeah.
A very beautiful and sensual woman. - yeah?
Did Sergeant Farraro work for you?
A gentleman never tells.
We're not going to a police station, are we?
Patrick, I have nothing left to live for.
Everything I value in my life you've pried away from me.
Look, if my death is a cause of happiness for you...
...then you must be in the throes of ecstasy right now.
Because everything that is Noah Melville is dead.
Yeah, I'm going to bury you.
I'm going to ask you one last time, who's on the take?
I want the evidence. - There isn't any.
Just tell me the truth. - That is the truth.
What's so fucking funny?
Do you think that I got money for this? Do you think this was a business?
My clients were just having a good time and the girls just received their scholarships.
I want the names. I want those names now.
They're in my head.
Then I guess I'm going to take your head. Huh?
you don't think I'll take your head?
I killed a drug dealer once, in self-defense.
Two fucking shots. They didn't believe me. They took me down because of that.
Two fucking shots, and I did it with something like this.
What are you doing?
You want to know why I came after you?
I came after you because...
I had sexual relations with Marina Carlson, the dead girl.
I came to town, my first night...
...and I felt lonely. I felt so lonely.
So I dialed a fuck...
...a guy named Ken answered the phone. He sent me a redhead with long legs.
And I got drunk, I fucked her, I fell asleep and when I woke up, she was gone.
And so was my cross.
I never saw it again until I met Marina Carlson's mother.
She gave me this.
She found it in her daughter's room.
I fucked that girl, and how would I have known?
I don't want to remember, because then it's over.
I got one chance in this life. One chance to do something right.
You fucked me up.
Patrick, why is everyone else to blame for your miserable life except you?
Well, you're right.
Everyone's guilty, right?
Is everyone guilty?
It's eating you up, isn't it? It's eating you up.
you'd better let it go...
Just forgive her, forgive yourself.
Say your prayers.
Actually, I'm an agnostic.
Then I'll see you in Hell.
Alas, what fools these mortals be.
You're dead.
What does it take to wake up to reality?
For some, an alarm clock, for others a rooster.
But for me, it took this near death experience.
Asshole.
Hello? Daddy! Where are you, Daddy? Mommy! It's Daddy!
Daniella, please just listen to me. Don't say anything.
I'm sorry I never told you the truth about, what was going on with the students.
I was arrogant, I suppose. I want to return home to you and Juliet...
...but I must pay for what I have done.
Noah?
Here is my epilogue.
My story ends on this beautiful beach where it all began with my wife, Daniella.
I am alone in exile, repentant.
Whatever my crime, I meant no harm, please understand.
Marina came to me for help, and I sent her to a man I thought could help her.
Unfortunately, I was very, very wrong.
I believed in a world where sensuality could not be evil...
...and I've come to accept that there is no "Camelot".
Off the record, do you think he was guilty?
I don't know.
I hope I will be remembered as a man who loved teaching wisdom of Shakespeare...
...and the principals of pleasure.
Thank you.
I am proud to present our valedictorians, Rachel Frye and Dionesia Costa.
My smooth journey at Barden started as a bumpy road...
...until I met one brilliant professor...
...who inspired me to think outside the box.
Sadly, he has retired, as you all know, and we'll have to go it alone.
But I'm confident that his philosophy will continue to guide me.
They do not love that do not show their love.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
Love is a familiar. Love is a devil.
There is no evil angel but love.
Here is my black book, my memoir, if you like.
It is finished, but it is not over.
Remember, free love is the greatest power in the universe.
Look ahead, and you will find it.
Good lord, am I dreaming?
Well, first of all, I would hate for anybody to use that word "prostitution".
I think there's a clear difference between what we do and prostitution.
I feel like I own my own body. I absolutely do.
When you get in these kinds of situations, you're not really in a position to say no...
...because you agreed to do something.
It is flattering in a way that he saw something in me that, you know...
...maybe I would be like the other girls, and I could possibly do what they do...
...even though I don't really know if I could, but...
If I were to give advice to a girl?
Don't do it if you don't need the money.
I'll just put it this way...
...I made enough in one night to clear my tuition for six months.
Of course I had sex before I got in to Barden College.
I'm sorry, but who doesn't have sex before college?
I was definitely a virgin when I came to Barden.
Now, it's questionable.
I think oral sex and sex are the same emotional experience.
I know there's a lot of young women who don't consider oral sex "sex"...
...and so they'll do that as long as they can to "keep their virginity".
you know, I don't know if other things really count as losing your virginity.
I thinkjust good old-fashioned sex is... I'm sorry.
I myself am probably out of the box...
Less probably, more definitely out of the box.
But I think it's great that people have normal college sexual lives.
The male member entering the female...
...that's pretty much good old-fashioned sex.
I'm not sure I could comment on the most out-of-the-box sexual experience I ever had.
I think part of the lesson that I have learned is...
...and I'll quote Shakespeare...
It's my favorite quote, it's very applicable to a lot of things, but especially this.
"Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
I think Professor Melville is a little old for me, but he's definitely a sexy older man.
Sure...if I was, like, ten years older.
When he asked me about a scholarship, I thought he was talking about a scholarship.
I had a lot of one-on-one with Professor Melville.
If I ran into Professor Melville on the street today...
...I would give him a hug.
I don't know, maybe I'll be at a therapist's office in fifteen years...
...crying my eyes out about my indiscretions...
...but right now I'm okay with it.
By the way, I'm Rachel...
...and I'm sure I'll be seeing you out in the business world.
"Oh, God of Battles, steel my soldiers hearts.
Possess them not with fear.
Take from them now the sense of reckoning...
...if the opposed numbers pluck their hearts from them...
...not today, oh Lord, oh not today.
Think not upon the fault my father made in encompassing the crown.
I, Richard's body, have interred new...
...and on it have bestowed more contrite tears...
...than from it issued forced drops of blood.
Five hundred poor or having nearly pay...
...who twice a day their withered hands hold up toward heaven to pardon blood...
...and I have built two chapels...
...where the sad and solemn priests sing still for Richard's soul.
More will I do, but all that I can do is nothing worth...
...since my penitence comes after all imploring pardon."